Waiting for the right time could be the biggest of my shortcomings. The idea of how wrong that is has crossed my mind a fair few times, but today i think was the day. Eureka moment.
It started with me going home. Well, not actually with me going home but me being there. Well not really the fact that i was there was the crucial moment, but what i did there.
So i was at home. In my room. (Here’s a little back story if you like, that could make a bit more sense…) I needed to write something down. I got a pencil from an unbelievably dusty stationery holder. That pencil turned out to be a somewhat special pencil and triggered the eureka moment for me.
As you can see it is a mechanical pencil. It is slightly different than the majority of that kind of pencils because the button that pushes the graphite is not on the end as per usual but on the side close to where your thumb is when you’re holding the pencil.
It is a lot bulkier than most which i find really comfortable to use and the button is also handy. I know that right now it looks like i’m obsessing over a stupid pencil but trust me, it’s about something much bigger than a simple pencil.
I acquired that pencil embarrassingly more than 10 years ago. Could be even 15. Yes, that long, and if i had to roughly count up and come up with a number for the times i’ve used it – it would probably be less than a week.
I was young (not that that has changed now) and i suppose i didn’t want to break it, so i didn’t use it. I honestly don’t know the reason behind my thinking… well… i do know, i didn’t think it was the right time to use that pencil. I didn’t feel like i am good enough to be using it. If i did use it then, once i became worthy, i wouldn’t have it anymore. (this is probably appallingly bad grammar right there, sorry, i hope it makes sense)
I know it sound absurd, but, i’ve lived with that stupid nag in my head for years.
Bought a new sketchbook – oh, i should wait until I’m good at drawing and then draw in it.
Got expensive colour pencils, oh i will just waste them on ugly drawings, need to wait.
Bought awesome clothes – but i don’t feel quite ready to wear it, there might be this party, and then I’ll rock them.
Bought some really pretty nail varnish, ah but can’t use it too often otherwise it will end and i won’t have it anymore.
That kind of thing happens to me all the time and as far as I remember the outcome was never the way i intended. There was never the right time to wear anything. I never got better at drawing without actually practicing and all the other stuff either dried out or frikking went bad.
Right time. What on earth is it? It can happen, i have witnessed it, but it happens probably once in a blue moon. It’s just not worth it.
That pencil, might’ve been epic 15 years ago. Now?! It’s probably shite. No, i actually know it’s shite, because there are rotating mechanical pencils out there. So if i had used it then, i could have been cool and rocking it with an amazing pencil for let’s say seven years and could’ve even got decent at drawing, but instead i wasted 15 years waiting for a stupid unrealistic miracle to happen. And it’s not like i could’ve run out of or broken it, unless i threw it against the wall or stepped on it. It’s a mechanical pencil, leads can be replaced, replaced and replaced again. Even if all that had happened… SO what, i would have had gained more out of that pencil either way.
So the whole point of this is – don’t wait around – act!
No matter what it is. More usual than not, the right time will never arrive. Obviously use common sense too. Don’t go fishing in your prom dress only because it’s still a few months till prom day.
Be smart and act!